Funny Dog Quotes Every Crazy Dog Lady Will Get

Speaking as a certified crazy dog lady, I know these funny dog quotes will not disappoint.

They’re sassy, they’re hilarious, and maybe a little too honest (#sorrynotsorry).

It’s why these funny quotes about dogs have been some of the most popular we’ve ever shared on Instagram.

You can even download and share each quote too – we highly encourage you to spread the lols! Think of it as your dog parent duty.

Without further ado, here’s a list of the best funny dog quotes to make you laugh, snort or snicker in agreement…

RELATED: 39 Dog Mom Quotes to Celebrate National Dog Mom’s Day

28 Funny Dog Quotes Every Crazy Dog Lady Can Relate To

“They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog about to puke. Nothing gets you out of bed faster.”

“Who else has trouble opening up to people, but will kiss a random dog on the mouth?”

“I’ll look at photos of your baby, if you look at photos of my dog.”

“Congratulations to me for having the cutest dog.”

“Relationship status: Sleeping awkwardly, trying not to disturb the dog.”

“I don’t care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.”

“As long as you know I’ll always choose my dogs over you, we’ll get along fine.”

“Nothing haunts us like the puppies we didn’t pet.”

“Interviewer: So what would you say is your best quality?

Me: My dog.”

“Me: Cat people are weird.

Also me: Today’s the day to take my dog to get photos with Santa Claus!”

“It’s not that I want 2 dogs…I just want to get my dog a dog.”

“Happy dog, happy life.”

“I care deeply about like 5 people in my life. And about 500 dogs on Instagram that I’ve never met.”

“I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Except dogs. I want dogs to like me.”

“I don’t always talk about dogs. Sometimes I’m asleep.”

“Hocus pocus, my dog made me brokus.” Dog mums will relate at Halloween!

“Assistant: Do you want the 32gb or 128gb iPhone?

Me: What’s that in dog photos?”

“My dog only eats top quality organic dog treats, and it’s own poop.”

“My house isn’t messy…it’s custom designed for dogs.”

“It’s not drinking alone if your dog is home.”

“Is it normal to love dogs more than humans? Asking for a friend.”

“Easily distracted by dogs.”

“I’m bilingual: I speak English and dog.”

“Sometimes I think I’m too fussy. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.”

“Sorry I can’t make it. My dog just laid his head on my foot and well, that’s that.”

“To all the dogs I haven’t cuddled yet: I’m coming for you.”

“If you don’t sign your dog’s name on your Christmas cards, do you even have a dog?”

“I may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m thinking about petting my dog.”

“My dog winks at me sometimes…and I always wink back in case it’s some kind of code.”

Funny Sayings About Dogs

These fresh sayings hit right at the heart of dog-parent humor. Short. Punchy. A little too real.

1. “My dog has no idea why I laugh at him, but he accepts it.”
2. “If my dog had a job, it would be ‘supervisor of snacks.’”
3. “My dog thinks ‘stay’ is a gentle suggestion, not a rule.”
4. “If dogs could text, mine would only send: ‘you up?’ followed by ‘snacks?’”
5. “My dog believes every delivery driver is here for a personal meet and greet.”
6. “Dogs don’t understand personal space. They understand personal lap.”
7. “My dog’s main hobbies are judging the neighbours and licking the floor.”
8. “I asked my dog to be a guard dog. He greeted the intruder with a toy.”
9. “My dog thinks the vacuum cleaner is a villain, and he is the chosen one.”
10. “If dropping crumbs was a crime, my dog would be my favourite accomplice.”
11. “My dog always looks guilty. Even when I am the one who did something wrong.”
12. “I tried to teach my dog patience. He tried to eat the treats through the bag.”
13. “My dog acts like a starved wolf, fifteen minutes after dinner.”
14. “Dogs don’t know what privacy is. Only closed doors that must be opened.”
15. “My dog hears a leaf fall outside and assumes we are under attack.”
16. “I told my dog he is spoiled. He looked pleased, not offended.”
17. “My dog thinks my bed is his bed that I rent by standing up first.”
18. “Dogs can learn hundreds of words, but ‘you’re not coming’ is their least favourite.”
19. “My dog’s zoomies appear with no warning and zero explanation.”
20. “My dog thinks the entire park is his group chat.”

Funny Dog Captions

Silly, scroll-stopping, and perfect for Instagram. Short enough for a caption, strong enough to steal the spotlight.

1. “Out here chasing squirrels and bad decisions.”
2. “Living that treat-to-treat lifestyle.”
3. “I walk where my dog tells me to walk.”
4. “Powered by pats and snacks.”
5. “They said ‘sit.’ I said, ‘I’ll consider it.’”
6. “Professional shoe inspector, unpaid position.”
7. “Touched by a paw, ruined by the cuteness.”
8. “Outfit covered in fur. Mood covered in joy.”
9. “I came. I sniffed. I forgot why I came.”
10. “Chewed it. Regretted nothing.”
11. “Master of side-eye and snack theft.”
12. “Big feelings. Small attention span.”
13. “If lost, follow the trail of treats.”
14. “Smile like someone just opened the treat cupboard.”
15. “Too cute to be this chaotic.”
16. “Running on zoomies and vibes.”
17. “Excuse the fur. We live here.”
18. “Good ear. Bad recall.”
19. “Half angel, half crumb gremlin.”
20. “Listening skills: optional. Cuteness: mandatory.”

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Shell & Katy Pretty Fluffy Editors

Shell & Katy are two style-savvy dog mums celebrating the best in pet-friendly living. A pet photographer and dog lifestyle writer, together they share trending pet products, recipes, inspiration and expert tips with discerning dog lovers around the world.